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Trust November 11, 2007

Posted by phoenixhopes in thoughts, Uncategorized.
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Trusting God doesn’t come easily for me. It’s not so much that I don’t believe He’s in control or that He knows what He’s doing, but more that I’m afraid that what he chooses for my life will be painful and I’m afraid I will be left to deal with the pain alone. Trusting God means fully accepting the consequences and trusting that He will be there through it all.

Life hurts, I get that. Being a Christian, following God, doesn’t somehow save me from difficult circumstances. God isn’t obligated to protect me from physical, emotional or even spiritual pain. There would be a certain naive security if I could believe that, if I could lie down secure at night knowing that because God loves me, nothing bad can happen.

But that’s not His promise. God doesn’t promise to keep us from the fire. His promise is to keep us through the fire. We will have fire, no doubt about it. Do I trust God to keep me whole?

I know the scriptures… “will the clay say to the potter “what are you doing?” (Is 45:9)… “cast your anxiety on Him because He cares for you” (1 Pet 5:7)… and there are more, many more… but do I really believe them? Life is a freefall without a parachute. Do I really trust God to catch me?

What is it that makes it so hard for me to trust? I’m tired of being broken and long to be whole. I’m tired of walking through the fire and wondering if there will ever be an end. I’m just plain tired. Where is the rest? Is it there and I’m afraid to reach out and take it?

Is finding the peace, the rest, the place of trust up to me? Do I have to do all the hard work and drag myself broken and bloody and crying into His arms? Or will He reach out and find me, see my hurt and hold me close to His heart? Does He even notice I’m in pain and care enough to reach out and comfort me?

If it’s up to me then I’m lost. I don’t have the strength to bridge the gap between me and God. I need Him to see my pain and take me into His arms. 

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